I HATE TO TELL YOU . . .

Well, you're just not going to believe it.  Remember my weight was 145 at my last post?  Are you ready for this?  It is, this morning . . . . . drum roll . . . . . 146.5.

Yep.  That's right.  I gained a pound and a half.  Sigh.  I just don't know what to say.  That's why I have been dreading writing this post.  I kept hoping it would go back down, but nope!!!!!

I really have no explanation.  One thought that crossed my mind was that I was trying to eat all these different things that were proven to lower cholesterol.  Certain nuts, olive oil, on and on.  Perhaps I was adding extra calories in and not cutting back somewhere else?  That might explain it! 

I had the great idea to bake some oatmeal cookies, loaded with walnuts and dried cranberries. Of course I had to put at least a little bit of chocolate chips in them.  Instead of vegetable oil I substituted olive oil, which is also supposed to be good for high cholesterol.  It makes sense, right?  A good high fiber cookie.  I mean really, there ARE three cups of oats in the recipe.  They were mmmm, mmmm, good, and I was thinking that this was the best "diet" in the world.  They were healthy, and they filled me up. Well, a few cookies with a cup of coffee or Diet Coke did.  I thought it was helping to keep my appetite under control so I wasn't hungry, thus not being tempted to eat unhealthy foods. And yes, as I wrote that last sentence I do see the irony in eating cookies to prevent unhealthy food choices. Duh.  Apparently I'm not as smart as I thought I was!!! 

My husband has informed me that I was the ONLY one in the house eating the cookies, and that I have managed to eat pretty much every last one myself.  He and my son had a few, but the rest I put in the freezer because. . . well duh. . . everyone knows there is nothing better than homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies right out of the freezer, except maybe Girl Scout Thin Mints!  Ohmygosh don't even get me started.  I didn't even order any Girl Scout cookies, and when my daughter gave us a box  I instructed my husband to hide it in the pole barn out of my sight.   

Apparently eating almost 4 dozen cookies myself over the last week or so might have not been a great idea.  I swear, I had no idea I was the only one eating them.  This is why I NEVER buy junk food or Oreos or anything I  love, because I just keep going back for more.

The only other thing I can think of that might have made me gain weight is stress. They say stress can do it to you. My mom had yet another fall a little over a week ago, and again is in the nursing home for rehab.  Thank God she didn't break anything this time. She was so sore and stiff there was no way we could have managed her at home, and the doctor recommended a little physical therapy. That whole ordeal, from the phone call telling me of the fall to the day spent in the ER to the admission to the nursing home was really stressful.  Seeing her in such pain was awful.  

To top it off, my little sister, my only sister, who has been here to help with mom after her last fall, was going to be returning home.  Just knowing she was leaving was so sad, and thinking about it would bring me to tears every time I thought of it.  We are so close.  She is so much fun.  We laugh at the same things, finish each other's sentences, frequently say the exact same words or sentences at the exact same time, and even think of the other person about one second before they call on the phone.  
We have always talked on the phone every day, but this was even better! She was here for the family birthday parties, special occasions, and barbecues.  It was so nice.  I am so sad that she is gone.  I am so happy for her to get her life back though.  Sniff.  Sniff.

I told you I would let you all know how I was doing with my weight and healthy lifestyle, so there it is. The ugly, awful truth.  But let's look on the bright side.  I have begun taking fish oil, red yeast rice, and becoming very aware of certain foods that have health benefits. 

I've discovered Greek yogurt has an amazing amount of protein and also probiotics for stomach health. It tastes sour, but I add the cinnamon that I am supposed to take daily, squirt in a little honey we purchase from our friendly neighborhood beekeeper, and just tell myself I am improving my health with every bite. Just in case you didn't know, protein builds muscle, and the more muscle you have the more efficiently you burn fat. Also, protein makes you feel fuller longer.  So it's a win-win situation! Who knows, I may even learn to like it! I could always add fruit, but I really want to get in those two teaspoons of cinnamon.  I guess I don't even have to tell you I would prefer cinnamon toast with sugar and butter!

I am exercising more. I have gotten on that old treadmill much more often, and even pulled out my Yoga Booty Ballet and Zumba CDs.   I am starting to do a little bit of working out with my five pound weights.  When I go to the nursing home to sit with mom, which is about five hours a day total since she doesn't like being there and is lonely, I always grab a big ol' orange from the snack tray instead of junk food which is right alongside the fruit.  Well, ok, I do take an occasional mini Oreo snack pack, but for the most part just the orange.  Instead of eating a regular baked potato with sour cream and butter, I bake a sweet potato and sprinkle cinnamon and a tiny bit of brown sugar on it.  It's so much better for you and tastes like pumpkin pie.

This wasn't really about losing weight anyhow, but lowering my cholesterol.  Who knows, maybe I actually have improved my cholesterol levels.  I just wouldn't know because I haven't been tested yet.  

I'm not giving up.   

I will renew my efforts.
I will NOT make another batch of cookies.  
I will step up the exercise.
I'll try to eat that awful yogurt in-between meals so I won't be as hungry.
I'll try not to be so stressed and overwhelmed about Mom coming home next week.  
I will try to ask for help from others to get me through.  
I will not sneak into the pole barn and try to find those Thin Mints. 

I want to thank all of you for your very kind and supportive comments.  There are many comments I have not published because some of you have shared some very personal things with me. These comments have been very helpful.  Clearly, I am not alone in this overweight, overwhelmed, menopausal, high stress, high cholesterol life.   I consider myself very fortunate to have met so many wonderful blogging friends. Your good wishes and compassion never cease to amaze me. Thank you for all your uplifting comments and suggestions.  Have a wonderful week. I'll let you know how I am doing soon.